Actually this tweet happened during my 3rd Year High School.
This tweet has direct impact for the rest of my high school life (my life covered in shadows; a summary during my four years in high school), trying hard to became a sociable person despite of my eagerness and weird persona. But all else fail because of severe attacks of some stuff I encountered by bullies: became gullible to the boys (to make me embarrassed to the audience), being harassed all the time (with or without attacks), being humiliated everytime I do something good, and being uncomfortable to tell my reactions and emotions to these friends trying to club me whenever I tell the truth.
Maybe I start to give names in a funny way since I enter first year because I really don't know the names first until I realized that some boys becomes notorious in delivering trips and jokes that is so nasty; and insubordinate stuff that is actually illegal in the premises (which I cannot mention at once). The trend continued until I finished high school with a strong note they never really expect in the first place.
I do not really know why this life sucks until my college years. It makes me insecure because I didn't trust nobody since my first years of college until I found what's my real passion: volunteering. More on these on my next post soon.
Why in this world is happening to me in the time I did? It's because of lack of self-esteem and lack of confidence. This makes some friends adjust in my behavior. And also I make it uncomfortable to them since I wail like a child and roar like a lion. Social life is dead and it makes different angle to make friends and confront with care. I'm not really happy to myself and others, actually. And yet, my life goes into a cave of trauma or in a bottomless pit of isolation, even no one is asking if I am alright.
My pain and my insecurity, the reason why I am making it complicated. I am staggering in my real purpose in life. When you can't find somebody to lean with friends, it will leave you being isolated and depressed. Deranged by guilt, powered by anger, sickened by agony, dumped by misinterpretation, and trailed by transition, social life is really dead to me. It hurts so much and I spend my life doing nonsense trapped inside a cynical cycle of a world full of insane judgments. Pleasing them didn't worth it. Even my adviser of 2 years noticed this action that leads to sermon the class all the time (at least this teacher always concerned about us to pursue our dreams and to fulfill our destiny).
I do not really want to feature my mistakes that makes fun of it, as well as all of the bad things made against me and also that I made them bad. A lot of criticisms slammed against me even in the smallest things I made. A lot of slander slammed against me to make my life miserable inside and made me inferior. A lot of carelessness pitched me that made me awkward in the first place. And a lot of struggles to be a friend to my classmates, despite of my natural personality, shattered down deep inside because I have no one to talk about my problems and also gave me insane thoughts & detraction (threats using words and damaging reputation included). Finding a real and true friend is really hard when no one really understands you, A LOT!
I may be a genius (but not enough to determine my capacity) but not "label" a nerd without sunglasses, because that's a gift. I may be a feeler because I want to make friend with you but it underestimate the dearly thing: trust. And I may be smart because that's my quality to prove myself that's unique, but not like I'm Jimmy Neutron to solve problems in Math and Science and participate in other activities. Because in the very first place, I'm only human. That's the way life goes.
Until one day, deliberation happened. And after I woke up in the afternoon, my mama told me I'm first honor in the class. Wow! What a surprise. Yes! Despite of all of my weirdest things I've done and being a puppet of bullies, I've been through the course of wretchedness and sick journey which ended by a notable matter: I SURVIVED HIGH SCHOOL! This became one of my unexpected and memorable event happened to myself. I really thank the Lord for the assistance and challenges gave to me. This made me stronger and humble than ever before in my life. And made me realize that I'm just a man with greatness and value. Luckily after these, I became friendly and sociable when I enter college. And finally, I am starting to love myself and boost my confidence subconsciously, even if it takes a matter of time to fulfill it.
If I am a loser today, I don't achieved this goal. If I am still a prey today, I don't make my life bloom like a flower. And if I am a person who trust no one without loving myself first, I don't know what I am doing this world, at the same time, I really don't care about them. That's why "Complicated" is the title of my blog because it reflects my past and present tenure of my life. If I continue this trend of bullies and lack of confidence (making me more inferior and lack of fairness), there will be more complicated plot holes to answer my question. And when all problems break loose without solving it, complicated matters binged me forever.
My life is full of ups and downs, but I am committed to change my life but for a better purpose. And I thank the Lord for bringing me challenges in my life which I can solve the problem if I check it early, and help is always there. I believe that there is hope. Survive the day and it will lift you up. And be strong for the future. As Bro. Bo Sanchez said, "Your past does not define your future."
P.S. I have 4 tips to share to maintain your social life healthy.
1) Trust good friends.
Learn to know who will be your friend for a lifetime. And be sure that trust is important in maintaining friendship.
2) Never complicate yourself into stress and anxiety.
Avoid overthinking and never get emotional to the activities that affects you.
3) Maintain your confidence gracefully - be yourself.
Love yourself and be grateful to your image and your movements to make yourself stronger than ever before.
4) Listen, Trust, and Obey God more.
The only way people need to do gracefully.
Why in this world is happening to me in the time I did? It's because of lack of self-esteem and lack of confidence. This makes some friends adjust in my behavior. And also I make it uncomfortable to them since I wail like a child and roar like a lion. Social life is dead and it makes different angle to make friends and confront with care. I'm not really happy to myself and others, actually. And yet, my life goes into a cave of trauma or in a bottomless pit of isolation, even no one is asking if I am alright.
My pain and my insecurity, the reason why I am making it complicated. I am staggering in my real purpose in life. When you can't find somebody to lean with friends, it will leave you being isolated and depressed. Deranged by guilt, powered by anger, sickened by agony, dumped by misinterpretation, and trailed by transition, social life is really dead to me. It hurts so much and I spend my life doing nonsense trapped inside a cynical cycle of a world full of insane judgments. Pleasing them didn't worth it. Even my adviser of 2 years noticed this action that leads to sermon the class all the time (at least this teacher always concerned about us to pursue our dreams and to fulfill our destiny).
I do not really want to feature my mistakes that makes fun of it, as well as all of the bad things made against me and also that I made them bad. A lot of criticisms slammed against me even in the smallest things I made. A lot of slander slammed against me to make my life miserable inside and made me inferior. A lot of carelessness pitched me that made me awkward in the first place. And a lot of struggles to be a friend to my classmates, despite of my natural personality, shattered down deep inside because I have no one to talk about my problems and also gave me insane thoughts & detraction (threats using words and damaging reputation included). Finding a real and true friend is really hard when no one really understands you, A LOT!
I may be a genius (but not enough to determine my capacity) but not "label" a nerd without sunglasses, because that's a gift. I may be a feeler because I want to make friend with you but it underestimate the dearly thing: trust. And I may be smart because that's my quality to prove myself that's unique, but not like I'm Jimmy Neutron to solve problems in Math and Science and participate in other activities. Because in the very first place, I'm only human. That's the way life goes.
Until one day, deliberation happened. And after I woke up in the afternoon, my mama told me I'm first honor in the class. Wow! What a surprise. Yes! Despite of all of my weirdest things I've done and being a puppet of bullies, I've been through the course of wretchedness and sick journey which ended by a notable matter: I SURVIVED HIGH SCHOOL! This became one of my unexpected and memorable event happened to myself. I really thank the Lord for the assistance and challenges gave to me. This made me stronger and humble than ever before in my life. And made me realize that I'm just a man with greatness and value. Luckily after these, I became friendly and sociable when I enter college. And finally, I am starting to love myself and boost my confidence subconsciously, even if it takes a matter of time to fulfill it.
If I am a loser today, I don't achieved this goal. If I am still a prey today, I don't make my life bloom like a flower. And if I am a person who trust no one without loving myself first, I don't know what I am doing this world, at the same time, I really don't care about them. That's why "Complicated" is the title of my blog because it reflects my past and present tenure of my life. If I continue this trend of bullies and lack of confidence (making me more inferior and lack of fairness), there will be more complicated plot holes to answer my question. And when all problems break loose without solving it, complicated matters binged me forever.
My life is full of ups and downs, but I am committed to change my life but for a better purpose. And I thank the Lord for bringing me challenges in my life which I can solve the problem if I check it early, and help is always there. I believe that there is hope. Survive the day and it will lift you up. And be strong for the future. As Bro. Bo Sanchez said, "Your past does not define your future."
P.S. I have 4 tips to share to maintain your social life healthy.
1) Trust good friends.
Learn to know who will be your friend for a lifetime. And be sure that trust is important in maintaining friendship.
2) Never complicate yourself into stress and anxiety.
Avoid overthinking and never get emotional to the activities that affects you.
3) Maintain your confidence gracefully - be yourself.
Love yourself and be grateful to your image and your movements to make yourself stronger than ever before.
4) Listen, Trust, and Obey God more.
The only way people need to do gracefully.
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